Fairy Tale Psychologist
by Lady Knight Keladry
Summary: What if all your favorite fairy tales were mentally unstable? What if they needed therapy for all of those deep-seated issues? Meet Dr. Nick, Fairy Tale Psychologist.
1. Jack

Summary- What if all your favorite fairy tale villains were mentally unstable? What if they needed therapy for all of those deep-seated issues? Meet Dr. Nick, Fairy Tale Psychologist.

**Dr. Nick-** Do you really think she came up with the fairy tales? Because if you do, maybe _you_ should be seeing me instead of my usual patients.

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Chapter 1- Jack

"Hello, Jack," greets the doctor as a boy, about sixteen, walks in the door. His escorting officer takes his post outside the door frame.

"Hello, Dr. Nick."

"Now, would you like to talk about why you're here?"

"I don't know why I'm here, Dr. Nick," says Jack, confused.

"Are you sure? It may have something to do with your kleptomania."

"What's kleptomania?"

"It's when you have a problem with thievery; it's when you can't control yourself and steal other people's possessions," Dr. Nick explains.

"I do not have kleptomania."

"Then how do you explain the breaking and entering into Mr. Bonebreaker's home?" asks Dr. Nick, referring to the giant who had suffered major injuries while chasing Jack down the beanstalk.

"Er, it wasn't me," Jack denies.

Consulting his notes, the doctor asks calmly, "Are you sure? Wasn't that your face on the video tape?"

"Um…"

Still calm, and looking over his glasses at Jack, Dr. Nick asks, "And wasn't it you that Mr. Bonebreaker identified as the culprit?"

"Er…" Jack is sweating as he tries to think of an answer.

"And wasn't it you who was reported as climbing down from an illegal beanstalk leading to Mr. Bonebreaker's home?"

"Uh…"

"And weren't the stolen items found in your home?"

Not able to take it any more, Jack stands and exclaims, "All right! All right! I admit it! It was me! It was ME!"

"I know, Jack. That's why you're in therapy. And do you admit you have a problem?" asks the still-calm Dr. Nick.

"No, I do NOT have kleptomania!" Jack's voice is vehement as he denies his problem.

"Then why do you have my tape dispenser?" asks Dr. Nick, looking at the object in Jack's hands.

Sitting down by now, the boy denies, "I don't! This is my tape dispenser!"

"Are you certain?"

"Yes."

"Then why is my name stamped on the bottom?"

"Um…" Jack flounders for an answer.

"And isn't that my watch on your arm? You know, the gold one with my name engraved on it. It's right next to the other five watches on your arm." It really was a nice watch.

"Oh, this one? I must have mistaken it for mine," Jack laughs nervously and hands the watch back.

"Right. Jack, why did you take my stapler?"

"Er, I, uh, needed to staple something, yeah, staple something!"

"Like what? You don't have any papers with you. No, wait, you have my notebook with you. May I have that back, please? I need it to take notes of our session." Dr. Nick wonders how Jack had taken the notebook when it had been in his hands during the entire session.

"Oh, here you go." Jack hands the notebook back to the doctor, who then writes down his observation.

"Thank you, now back to the issue with the stapler?"

_Awkward silence._

Jack's voice is defeated as he finally admits, "Okay, so maybe I do have kleptomania. What am I supposed to do about it?"

Dr. Nick is exalting inside as he tells him, "Well, the first step is to admit you have a problem, which you've already done. Now for the second step, I want you to tell me about the first time you stole something."

"I think it was when I was five years old. Another kid in the village had a new ball and he was bragging about it. I asked my mommy for one but she had said no because we couldn't afford it," Jack's voice is bitter as he says that last part. The good doctor takes note of this in his recovered notebook.

"So you took the ball?"

"Yes, I took the ball," Jack confirms.

"And how did you _feel_ about that?"

"I felt exhilarated! It was so fun to play with. I just covered the ball with some paint and no one was the wiser," the boy's voice is proud as he informs the psychologist of his feat.

"Do you remember feeling bad about taking the ball?" asks, Dr. Nick, taking down some more notes.

Voice wistful, Jack says, "A little, but that was overshadowed by the fun I had."

"What happened to the other little boy?"

"I think he's training to go into law enforcement. Why?" asks Jack, puzzled.

More note-taking. "I was just curious. So you started out stealing things you needed or thought you wanted?"

"Yes."

"How often did you steal things?"

"At first, it was only occasionally. Then it became a few times a month. Soon it was a few times a week. Now, I think it's a few times a day."

"I see." Yet more note-taking. "It seems to me that your problem progressed as you took more and more items. Eventually, your wants became nonexistent and it became a habit. Now you can't help it."

"Well, what should I do?"

"I'll tell your parole officer to isolate you in a room with the things nailed down. Eventually, when you see that it is no longer possible to steal something, I think you'll stop," muses Dr. Nick.

"If you think that's best, Dr. Nick," Jack's voice is earnest.

"I do. I'd go with the hypnotherapy, but I don't really believe in that stuff."

"Okay, Dr. Nick. So I'll see you later?"

"I'll check back in a week to see how you're doing."

Giving a small wave, Jack turns around and says, "Bye!"

"Goodbye, but before you go, do you mind putting back my things? And my watch, please?" Dr. Nick asks, wondering how Jack had gotten it this time.

"Oops, sorry," Jack apologizes sheepishly.

"No, problem."

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AN- There will be 10 chapters total unless I think of more. I already have who I'm going to have Dr. Nick talk to. The story's been bouncing around in my head for a while and I finally thought I'd expand on it since I have this week off. It's also in honor of NaNoWriMo even though I don't really plan to write a novel. Review if you want to.


	2. Alf

Summary- What if all your favorite fairy tale villains were mentally unsound? What if they needed therapy for all of those deep-seated issues? Meet Dr. Nick, Fairy Tale Psychologist.

**Dr. Nick- **Do we really need to have this talk again? Weren't you listening the first time? She doesn't own the characters! Well, except me, of course, but it's kind of iffy right now…

**LKK- **Hey! I created you!

**Dr. Nick- **Really?

**LKK- ***grumbles about ungrateful characters.*

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**Chapter 2- A.L.F. (Angry Little Fairy)**

"Hello, Miss Fairy," came the voice of our illustrious doctor.

_Indiscernible tittering._

"Miss Fairy, would you please speak English? I'm not good enough at fairy-speak to understand you."

"Oops, sorry, I tend to forget. Hello, Dr. Nick, and call me 'Alf,' please; my full name's Angry Little Fairy, but that sounds too formal." Now, 'Alf,' as she is now called, was a woman about five feet tall with long, wavy brown hair and almond-shaped blue eyes. She was about an average weight, but her most remarkable features were the butterfly wings protruding from her back—they really stood out against the jeans and green T-shirt she was wearing.

"Good. Now I understand you've been sent here for a reason?"

"Yes, the fairy queen thinks I have an obsession," Alf stated in disbelief.

"With what?" the doctor asked, knowing already.

"With animals, although I don't know where she got that impression."

"Well, I've brought in some people you may recognize," said our doctor with a crafty look in his eyes.

"Oh?"

"Yes." Dr. Nick got up and walked to the door, admitting two handsome young men into the room. "May I reintroduce His Majesties, King James, formerly known as 'Frog,' and King Harry, also known as 'Beast' by his close friends."

"Reintroduce? Do I know you?" asked Alf, confused.

"Yes, you turned me into a frog. Last time I saw you, I was green," stated James, a regal looking young man with nice green eyes.

"You turned me into a giant beast. Remember? I was large, had four paws and very sharp teeth?" informed the aptly named Harry, who really was quite hairy.

"Oh…" Well, Alf really had nothing to say to those statements.

"Well, now I've brought you all together to discuss Alf's obsession with animals—" the doctor began.

"I DO NOT HAVE AN OBSESSION!" denied the, now angry, fairy.

"—and her anger problem," finished Doctor Nick, continuing on as if he had never been interrupted.

Alf was visibly upset and displayed her surprisingly loud voice when she retorted with, "WHAT?!? I DO NOT HAVE AN ANGER PROBLEM!!!"

"What do you call what you did to us?" inquired the two kings in unison.

"YOU SHUT UP!!!"

"Now, Alf, I'm sure we can discuss this in a calm manner, using our _inside_ voices," the always calm doctor said, trying to placate his, now red, client.

"FINE! Oops, sorry, dear, I let myself get carried away, but I do not need anger management. I am perfectly fine."

"I beg to differ," said the kings, once again, in unison.

"YOU LITTLE—"

"ALF, SIT DOWN!!" screamed the, normally calm, doctor.

"Sorry," muttered the placated fairy.

"Alf, I usually don't resort to threats, but if you can't control your temper, I'll tell 'tania," threatened Dr. Nick, referring to the fairy queen.

"You wouldn't."

"I would. Would you like to see? I have her on speed dial." Dr. Nick pulled out his cell phone, ready to call his long-time friend.

"I'll be good," Alf muttered sullenly.

"Great. Back to the subject at hand—Alf, is there anything you would like to say to these two?"

"No."

"Wouldn't you like to apologize?" prodded our doctor.

"For what?"

"What about for turning me into an animal?" James asked incredulously.

"And turning me into an animal-like thing?" Harry added.

"Well, it was both your faults in the first place!"

"How was it our fault?" the kings asked incredulously, looking at her like she was insane.

"You're the ones that made me angry," she replied self-righteously.

"I was on my way home from the forest and I saw you. I went over to say hello and you turned me into a frog!" James said indignantly.

"I had no room in my castle! Almost the entire kingdom was staying there because of the bandits. I barely had room to move and I couldn't afford another mouth to feed," Harry explained.

"Okay, I'm sorry! Are you happy now?"

"What are you sorry for?" Dr. Nick questioned.

"I'm sorry for not calming down when I met you and I'm sorry for not listening, but I'm most especially sorry for turning you into an animal or animal-like things," Alf explained, pouting.

"Apology accepted," James said, nodding at her.

"Well, at least things turned out for the best, right?" Harry commented.

"Pssh, speak for yourself! My princess was a spoiled brat whose father had to force her to honor her promise to me as a frog! Sure, she was nice after I turned into a prince again, but the impression I got as a frog is still there. Stupid magical animal rules forced me to marry her." James' voice is bitter as he recounted his situation.

"I'm_ really_ sorry, dear!" Alf proclaimed, looking like she means it this time.

"It's okay, I've resigned myself to a loveless marriage. At least we have the kids," he sighed.

"Alf, do you see what happens when you let anger get the best of you?"

"Yes, doctor."

"Do you also see what we mean when we said we thought you had an obsession with animals? We haven't even brought up the sisters you cursed to talk out insects and jewels respectively, or the boy to whom you gave a golden goose."

"I forgot about those," Alf mused. "You tend to forget things when you've been in the business as long as I have. "

"Yes, well, you must ask yourself this: do you want to change? I can not force you to change if you do not want to. It rests entirely on your shoulders," the doctor stated, looking at her over his glasses.

"I'll try to change, I guess. I don't want to hurt anyone."

"Good. Have you ever tried to stop and think about why you become so angry?"

"Not really."

"Before now, have you ever thought about the consequences of you actions and the people you changed?"

"No, most of the time it was to punish or reward them for being either bad people or good people."

"Well, who are you to decide if someone is good or bad?" James cut in, truly curious.

Thinking about the situation for a long moment, the doctor finally responds with, "I think you've fallen into the trap most people tend to do. You've failed to realize that the world is not black or white. No one is just good or just bad, they are mixtures of both. Humans are rarely simple; they may have different motives from what you perceive from their actions."

"Yeah, I totally agree. Like when you changed me. It wasn't that I was too cruel to let you in, it was that I couldn't; my people came first," commented Harry.

"Oh," said Alf in a small voice.

"So why don't we start with stopping to think about the consequences of our actions before we do them, shall we?"

"Sure."

The doctor stood up and walked to his desk, opening the side drawer and taking something out and handing it to Alf. "I'm going to give you a bracelet that will remind you to think before you do any large magics. It won't do anything if you're doing household chores, only when you reach the level required to transfigure someone or effect them in any way. Eventually, it'll become second nature to stop and think and when that happens, I'll take the bracelet back."

"That sounds helpful," Alf said as she put the bracelet around her wrist.

"Now, onto the other matter: the animals. Why do you feel the need to turn those 'bad' humans into animals?"

"I-I don't know."

"What's your apartment like? How is it decorated? Do you have any pets?"

"My wallpaper has some puppies scattered through and I have a cat calendar. There are pictures of my favorite animals along the wall. I have several pets: a dog, some cats, birds and fish. I also like to go out to the stable sometimes and ride the horses," she said wistfully.

"I see. Did you have many friends as a child?"

"No," her voice seemed depressed as she answered.

"What did you do?"

"Well, I played with the animals. _They_ never left me. _They_ never cared if I was fat or ugly." James and Harry had started to back away from her a this point, looking slightly scared at the vehemence in her voice and the fire in her eyes. The doctor, however, merely asked calmly,

"So you came to trust them more than your peers?"

"Yes."

Sounding triumphant, Dr. Nick stood up and said, "And there's the root of the matter! You turn them into animals because of your childhood. Because you see the animals as trustworthy and because they've acted better to you than your peers, you find them as an improvement over the 'bad' people. To you, animals are basically the pinnacle of what is good in the world and that is reflected in what you tend to do."

"But…" Alf started to protest.

"But, what?" the doctor asked.

"Um, never mind."

"No, what?" the doctor queried persistently.

"Could you please leave it?" Alf asked, sniffling.

"Okay, sure, " replied Dr. Nick, giving up.

"I think we should go now," James cut in tactfully.

"Yeah, see you around," Harry said, standing up.

"I hope you feel better," James said to the crying fairy.

"Me, too."

"Goodbye, thank you for coming." Dr. Nick stood up and showed them to the door.

"Yes, thank you." Alf gave them a watery smile, sniffling.

_Awkward silence_

"Tissue?" Dr. Nick offered gently.

"Yes, thank you."

"Now, that we've gotten to the heart of the matter, let's start thinking of solutions. Have you ever tried socializing? Or getting a partner in life? Some sort of companionship that doesn't have four legs?"

"Um, no."

"So you haven't made any effort?"

"I thought it was pointless."

"Why was it pointless?"

"I'd never get anyone! Who would like me?" she asked self-deprecatingly.

"I think you're selling yourself short."

"Really?" she asked, surprised.

"Yes, you're very pretty and once you get past the anger issues and animal obsession, you're a very nice person."

Blushing, Alf stammered, "Th-thank you."

"You're welcome. So any ideas as to how you can increase your social life?"

"Well, I guess I can go to the company mixers."

"That's a start. Why don't you come back in a couple of weeks so we can monitor how you're doing?"

"Sure. Bye, Dr. Nick."

"Goodbye, Alf."

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AN- Okay, sorry it took so long. It's been on my computer for a while and I was too lazy to finish it. I think this is my longest chapter ever. It took up 7 pages. Personally, I think this chapter sucks compared to the other one but oh well. It just got sort of mushy somewhere along the way. Review of you want to.


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